Now that's interesting ... There’s something I’m not very good at. Not good at it at all, actually. And being not very good at this one thing, there’s a whole bunch of other things that I can’t be good at either. This important thing, the thing that makes so much else work better, is the way we’re supposed to go about the challenges of life. It is about making a plan, and working the plan, and achieving the desired outcome. A different approach comes more naturally for me. I start with a vision of what could be. While I'm gradually getting better at the tasks to realize that vision, I see new possibilities along the way. I get distracted by those possibilities, pursue them rather than the step in the process that I should be working at to just get the job done. With the detours along the way the original vision changes, becomes more satisfying. Last summer I painted and put new flooring in our basement. The thing I really like about how it turned out is something that I didn’t even think was part of the job when I first began. It just presented itself as a possibility while I was doing the other necessary things. That side project took a lot of extra time, but I’m glad that I did it. Now, just so you won’t get the wrong idea … it’s not that I’m flighty, undisciplined and lacking in diligence. It’s just that I also notice things emerging around me and pursue the possibility in them. Some of you know me from the coffee shop, playing my jazz. All of my songs are original. Every song starts with just noodling around on the keyboard, creating a new riff and finding the underlying chord structures to go with it. But invariably some odd, bluesy, note or atypical bit of harmony crops up. Its emergence attracts me. At first that little oddity doesn’t fit, but as I keep exploring the possibility it provides I can see how it complements the other riffs. Eventually it takes its place, adding interest to the song. And it’s also happened in the novels I’ve written. I typically just start with a premise, context and characters. Usually it’s not until about 2/3 of the way through a piece of writing that I know where it’s going. During the initial writing I’m watching for what emerges with the characters in their context. And sometimes what they do or say surprises me, that I wouldn’t have planned it in. But as the writing progresses, and as the editing polishes, those unexpected directions provide texture and depth as well as contributing to the plot. This approach to life of not having a comprehensive plan, not sticking to the steps, not following the straight path to a predetermined goal, well, you might think it would lead to indolence and dissipation, that nothing would ever get accomplished. But, it turns out to be quite to the contrary. I remain engaged and creative, just not tied to a preconceived outcome. I end up with a work process that’s more satisfying and enlivening. So what has taken the place of plan, execute, accomplish? Rather than outcomes, I orient to values. It’s a value to find beauty in things and to create beauty in what I do. It’s a value to approach tasks with the intention of doing them well, with my mind fully engaged in the process. When what I'm doing involves others, It’s a value for me to respond to them with kindness and respect rather than to see them as a means of achieving a personal goal. It’s a value to reflect on what I believe and how I behave so that I can maintain a sense of integrity even if it comes at the expense of immediate success. I don't always live up to my values, but when I do I'm more content. And ... what about outcome? I live with the intention of equanimity. As long as I’ve lived out my values, I seek to accept what happens with grace. If it turns out to be pleasing, great! If it doesn't, I value the teaching that outcome provides for me, how it allows me to better understand my interface with the world around me. Regular readers of this blog will anticipate that it’s time to leap into a reflection on my previous career as a psychotherapist. The linearity of goal, plan, execution and outcome is endemic within clinical psychology. It is coached in different terms: assessment, diagnosis, structured treatment, case closure. Part way through the career I discovered something. Treating people with respect and compassion from the very first conversation (even on the phone when the potential client first calls in to book an appointment) results in early easing of their emotional suffering. Providing realistic hope and commitment to work together makes a huge difference for person who is struggling to cope, even before the therapist has a full handle on what the client is facing. Pursing these values sets up a relationship that will work better in the long run. Learning about my client didn’t stop when the assessment session was done. Even if therapy went on for a long time, I still found nuances within the unique person with whom I shared the sacred space of the therapy room. When the time came to bring our work together to an end, there was yet another phase of learning. We had the task of finding how to conclude the emotionally intimate relationship that therapy is, to conclude it with contentment and meaning. The therapy process was not a linear sequence of stages as the profession posits it to be but one of repeatedly cycling through discovery and nurturing emergent wellness. One more thing. Even though I’m not a goal/plan/execute/outcome sort of person, I’m thankful that some people are. I feel it when I drive through a multi-level traffic interchange. I’m totally in awe of the banked bridges and curving lanes. I can never be like those folk who can build such things but I can discover beauty and benefit in what they do. Oh, and by the way. The basement project did get done! It took longer than I thought it would, but that’s okay. Clickable links to previous blogsOctober 2024 - Valuing the relational over the objective www.twiltondale.ca/blog/archives/10-2024
September 2024 - Emergent from the creative process. www.twiltondale.ca/blog/archives/09-2024 August 2024 On Beauty www.twiltondale.ca/blog/archives/08-2024 July 2024 - Friends www.twiltondale.ca/blog/archives/07-2024 May 2024 - In the zone April 2024 - How creativity happens ... well, for me anywayclick-click.html March 2024 - Your bridge to cross February 2024 - A little Deeper into the human condition January 2024 - On Darkness December 2023 - Note Perfect ... or not! November 2023 - Just noteswww.twiltondale.ca/blog/archives/04-2024 October 2023 - About endings September 2023 - Sacred ground August 2023 - Are we there yet? July 2023 - How smart is SMART? June 2023 - Only half there May 2023 - Who gets to write the story? April 2023 - Intersubjectivity. Hunh? March 2023 - A disturbing trend February 2023 - About being in the middle January 2023 - Can we have a little heart here please? December 2022 - A story about story November 2022 - Facing One's Fears October 2022 - Transitional folk September 2022 - Transitions August 2022 —At the other end of life's journey July 2022—The problem with what emerges. June 2022 — So who am I doing this for anyway? May 2022 - Wait for it ... wait ... April 2022 — Someone called me a Nazi. March 2022 — Shush! Don't tell anyone. February 2022 — So does life imitate art? Well, maybe sometimes. January 2022 — The two most powerful lines in the book. December 2021 — About time and being human. November 2021 — Not a tidy little murder mystery October 2021 — Flow versus focus. September 2021 -- It's beautiful because it tells the truth.
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