On BeautyWhere do you find beauty? Perhaps it is in a play-off hockey game, a timely goal scored with finesse. Or perhaps you find it in an oil painting by an artist you have come to love, feeling particularly moved by some aspect of life captured there. Perhaps, in that smile of appreciation from your life partner when you dress up a bit better than everyday to go out for dinner, or when you enjoy a meal that you have cooked together. And while I find beauty in all of the above, especially the last one on the list (and there are many variations on that particular theme), I also find beauty in the turn of a musical phrase in my jazz music or the turn of a literary phrase in my fiction. And yet all that is not quite true. The beauty isn’t actually in the other thing. Let me explain. A fan of cricket might not catch the nuance of the hockey goal, a person who is focused on science and engineering probably doesn’t get the painting, and of course, not everyone is gifted with a fifty year, loving relationship with a life partner. Updating wisdom from the Bard, 19th Century Irish author Margaret Wolfe Hungerford wrote “Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder”. Ergo, the beauty that I see in the hockey goal, that moving painting, my life partner’s smile, the musical and literary phrases of my creativity must be an aptitude within me. If it is, it certainly comes and goes. I don’t always have that capacity for perceiving the beauty in response to such things. I want to propose something very different from beauty being a characteristic of something outside of oneself or an ability within. Beauty exists in the space between things and our subjective experience of them. It arises as out of relationship and context. If you want to read more about this, google Famous violinist busks in the metro. Beauty is more than an attribute or an aptitude. It emerges out of the complexity of human life. A few weeks ago I played my music in a garden. I was surrounded by lush and well-tended plants, amazingly creative art and well over a hundred visitors eager to celebrate the beauty there. I heard a different beauty from my songs that afternoon: a different context, a different beauty. At the coffeeshop I play music where people come for respite from the tasks of their lives. They feel the energy of caffeine and the comfort of the sugar. They come to take a break, enjoy conversation with friends and family, be served by gracious and attentive hosts. When customers find beauty in my music there, it is not just the sounds coming out of my digital piano but also about the context: their mindset in coming in, and the gracious environment. But let me share a rather different coffeeshop story. One day sitting at a nearby table a patron was in the midst of talking through a very personal tale of woe. Fortunately, there was also a kind and gracious person at the table to listen and support. But over at the piano I felt the emotional vibe of the complainant’s story. I couldn’t hear the actual content, just the tone and pacing of what was said. As I absorbed it, it felt bitter to me, bitter in a resentful and hopeless sort of way. My playing went off, the beauty went out of my songs, I made errors and retreated to a mechanical effort to stay on track. My aptitude for creating beauty in the songs was no longer realized. Same songs, different emotional contexts, entirely different musical (or unmusical) moments. You see, it is complicated, eh? All of this isn’t just cause and effect. It is dynamic. Consider again the music in the coffee shop, this time yet another scenario. A child comes in, has an ice cream treat after doing the shopping with mom. She hears the music and her body remembers movements from dance class. As my rhythm infects her, her smiles and graceful movements infect me. I start to play for her, striving to keep my rhythm steady enough so that her dance moves fit seamlessly. This elevates the discipline of my playing. Trust and relationship build up between that girl and I. Suddenly senior citizen eyes in addition to my own glow with delight in watching the girl dance. The ambiance of the coffeeshop has taken on yet another new vibe. Beautiful. Ephemeral. Memorable. Considering beauty as an attribute or an aptitude just doesn’t catch the dynamic essence of what beauty is. Some of my blog readers are psychologists, as I used to be. They provide that magical and healing endeavour we call psychotherapy, respite for those who are emotionally suffering. As I look back on my decades of doing it, I realize that it taught me about dynamic nature of beauty. Not just in the tears that ran down cheeks, but in the safety and respect created around a suffering person to allow them to work through their distress. And it wasn’t just me as a therapist creating that. Clients came with the expectation that the therapy room could be safe. The safety of therapy comes as a product of traditions and ethics of professional practice that allow emotional intimacy to develop. As a result of that safety, not only were my clients able to deepen and grow more loving but so also was I. Psychotherapy, well practiced, enables the presence of grace and wisdom, one human with another human creating a dynamic of beauty and wellness. Both therapist and client become more human as a result. Which is rather like that dancing little girl in the coffeeshop and the warm eyes of the senior citizen looking on. And lucky me, able to be there in the midst. Clickable links to previous blogs.July - 2024 - Friends www.twiltondale.ca/blog/archives/07-2024
June - 2024 click-click www.twiltondale.ca/blog/archives/06-2024 May 2024 - In the zone April 2024 - How creativity happens ... well, for me anywayclick-click.html March 2024 - Your bridge to cross February 2024 - A little Deeper into the human condition January 2024 - On Darkness December 2023 - Note Perfect ... or not! November 2023 - Just noteswww.twiltondale.ca/blog/archives/04-2024 October 2023 - About endings September 2023 - Sacred ground August 2023 - Are we there yet? July 2023 - How smart is SMART? June 2023 - Only half there May 2023 - Who gets to write the story? April 2023 - Intersubjectivity. Hunh? March 2023 - A disturbing trend February 2023 - About being in the middle January 2023 - Can we have a little heart here please? December 2022 - A story about story November 2022 - Facing One's Fears October 2022 - Transitional folk September 2022 - Transitions August 2022 —At the other end of life's journey July 2022—The problem with what emerges. June 2022 — So who am I doing this for anyway? May 2022 - Wait for it ... wait ... April 2022 — Someone called me a Nazi. March 2022 — Shush! Don't tell anyone. February 2022 — So does life imitate art? Well, maybe sometimes. January 2022 — The two most powerful lines in the book. December 2021 — About time and being human. November 2021 — Not a tidy little murder mystery October 2021 — Flow versus focus. September 2021 -- It's beautiful because it tells the truth.
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