About the darkThere’s a good chance you will be reading this during the darkest three weeks of the year. The regulating pathways in my brain are thrown into a tailspin by these dim, shortened daylight hours. I get achy, my vitality runs down. One of the ways we cope with the dark is through cultural and religious observances. There is the lighting of the Menorah. A dark stable is brightened with the birth of a baby, the first appearance by one who would be later identified as the Light of the World. Even Santa’s beard is snowy white. Eaves are garlanded with colourful lights. In churches or malls crammed with human humidity we hear music in major keys. And as meaningful and delightful as these things are for some, at this time of the year I just don’t have the energy for them. We think of darkness as something to be resisted: throw some artificial light on it or add in a cultural observance so we can get through. But I posit darkness is vital within the human condition, not something to push away. Our times of personal darkness can be the crucible for turning knowledge into wisdom, for rising above reactive engagement to act instead with perspective, compassion and grace. At the coffeeshop my music contains many dark elements. There are dissonances and harmonies in the minor keys. And of course, there are all of those irreverent blues notes. My hope as the creator of these darker musical elements is that they calm, allow for a moment of reflection, and ease off the pressure to do and to be. But that only works if side-by-side with those dark elements I also provide an accompanying harmonic resolution. My novel An Incoming Tide is a study in human evil. There are murders. The remnant psychologist within me identifies within the cast of characters three personality types that do harm: the narcissist, the psychopath, and the opportunist criminal. Pretty dark, eh? But currently inching toward publication is the sequel novel, Dead Daffodils. Its focus is on healing, healing that emerges from within when wounded characters are supported by intentionally caring others. I spent four decades professionally in what often begins as a dark place. The psychotherapy room is filled with stories of harm done by one person to another. I’ve heard of evil in war zones and abuse in Canadian families. Workplaces are often injurious with their internal politics and objective-driven management styles. But, how does interpersonal evil arise? Historically (from the 7th Century) the list of seven deadly sins has itemized lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride. Even though the items in that list of sins would indeed breed emotional and interpersonal ill-health, they are not the foundation of harm to self and others that I heard in my psychotherapy office. What came to haunt me in the therapy room were the stories of self-indulgence at the expense of others and the striving for power and control. Foundational to those damaging behaviours were attitudes of entitlement and arrogance. This is our dark side now. It is manifest on the micro level in our families and workplaces as interpersonal abuse. It is evidenced at the macro level of society through tribal politics with its animosity toward, and disqualification of, others. And even though religion preaches the light, often it contributes to the very darkness it was intended to disperse. Each of these dark sides creates its own craving. Once one believes they are entitled, they then feel entitled to more and more. Similarly for arrogance, for personal indulgence, for greed, for power over others. Slide down that slippery slope of thinking you deserve more than the next guy, that you are right and they are wrong, or that you are better than, and soon you will never be satisfied or secure. But you will be doing harm. One of the lessons I learned in the therapy room was that we, as social creatures, injure ourselves when we do harm to others. That injury, anesthetized at the time of its occurrence by a paroxysm of power, superiority or satiation, ends up warping our character and identity. The spirit and soul we have within is damaged. In coping with the pain of that self-inflicted injury we seek more doses of entitlement, arrogance, self-indulgence, power and control. The cycle intensifies. Its long term consequences are bitterness and brokenness. For me, the therapy room supported healing by being a place of intersubjective understanding and acceptance rather than one of arrogance. It was a place intent on promoting the wellbeing and wellness of the client rather than the healer seeking to gain personal benefit at the client’s expense. It was a place of generosity in the giving of one’s compassion for the suffering of another. And even though a healthy professional relationship still has a fundamental element of interpersonal power it avoids exploitation and abuse, seeking to keep the client safe from harm. Through that safety, the client learns to keep themselves safe in the rest of their life. I had the privilege of being a part of this healing context for four decades. Now I seek to bring a sense of wellbeing, wisdom and respite to others through my music and writing. It’s not about happy-happy, like the garland of lights on the eaves, but about being a companion within a world that has dark elements. Each dark, dissonant musical note I play in the coffeeshop says I feel that too, just like you do. Then each musical resolution says but we can be okay. The evil of harm-doers in fiction can be balanced by the healing that comes to characters in a context of loving and just relationships. Yes, it’s dark now. But soon the days will begin to lengthen, to get brighter and warmer. The greys and browns will give way to the green. It happens every year. Clickable links to previous blogsNovember 2024 - Now that's interesting
www.twiltondale.ca/blog/archives/11-2024 October 2024 - Valuing the relational over the objective www.twiltondale.ca/blog/archives/10-2024 September 2024 - Emergent from the creative process. www.twiltondale.ca/blog/archives/09-2024 August 2024 On Beauty www.twiltondale.ca/blog/archives/08-2024 July 2024 - Friends www.twiltondale.ca/blog/archives/07-2024 May 2024 - In the zone April 2024 - How creativity happens ... well, for me anywayclick-click.html March 2024 - Your bridge to cross February 2024 - A little Deeper into the human condition January 2024 - On Darkness December 2023 - Note Perfect ... or not! November 2023 - Just noteswww.twiltondale.ca/blog/archives/04-2024 October 2023 - About endings September 2023 - Sacred ground August 2023 - Are we there yet? July 2023 - How smart is SMART? June 2023 - Only half there May 2023 - Who gets to write the story? April 2023 - Intersubjectivity. Hunh? March 2023 - A disturbing trend February 2023 - About being in the middle January 2023 - Can we have a little heart here please? December 2022 - A story about story November 2022 - Facing One's Fears October 2022 - Transitional folk September 2022 - Transitions August 2022 —At the other end of life's journey July 2022—The problem with what emerges. June 2022 — So who am I doing this for anyway? May 2022 - Wait for it ... wait ... April 2022 — Someone called me a Nazi. March 2022 — Shush! Don't tell anyone. February 2022 — So does life imitate art? Well, maybe sometimes. January 2022 — The two most powerful lines in the book. December 2021 — About time and being human. November 2021 — Not a tidy little murder mystery October 2021 — Flow versus focus. September 2021 -- It's beautiful because it tells the truth.
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